Tsukiko's Journal Sketchpad

It is gray suede with a purple design of tree branches. Here she writes her random stories and draws different things that come to mind.

I walked the crowed halls, people all around me but no one next to me. There never is anyone beside me, talking to me, making me laugh. No one truely there for me. It's been that way for years, for as long as I can remember, I've been on my own. I've been alone, walking by myself.


I walk past classes full of students, other kids my age, none of them know me. The halls around me start to empty and I'm left hearing my footsteps echo in the silent hall. No one knows me, they think they do but they are wrong. I am someone none of them will ever be able to comprehend, a person all my own.


When I was young I played with those who don't exsist. I never had anyone to play with, only my shadow. I remember all the times I wanted to see someone aske me to play, to see me and want to be my friend. That time has yet to come. I continue to walk the silent halls, my footsteps echoing and my heart beating in my ears. No I'm not nervous, it is just so quiet in these white painted halls. I hope someday the time will come when I'm not the one walking alone, walking with no one beside me.


These halls are all lines that divide those held within the walls. It divides me, do I want to be an outsider, outside of the rooms filled with others where I can be me, or do I want to be one of those held inside, where I won't be alone any more. I stand at a closed door, trying to decide if I want to be one in the room. I look around, still alone in the hall, how can I decide? How can I find out if I want to be one in the room if I can't be sure they will acept me? How?


Can't anyone tell I don't want to e alone? Can't anyone tell from the sadness that is contained within my eyes or is it hidden too well? Is it really alright to be alone like this? Is it really okay to be by yourself all the time? If I'm alone how can I know what is real? Is it all a dream or is it reality? How can I be sure? I know I'm still alone as I turn and walk back down the empty hall, the unforgiving white staring me in the face.


I've always been alone, am I supposed to come to terms with that? Am I supposed to accept that I am to be alone for my life? Will there ever be someone beside me? Someone to help me through this hall, through this place? Is my shadow the only thing that will be beside me or will there be a time when there are others? I wish someone would come to me, tell me they want to be my friend.


I walk down the halls, echoing footsteps everytime I go forward. I look through the doors into the rooms where others sit, where I should be. I don't belong here, I never did. Why am I here if I don't belong? Why am I here if I am the only one out of place?


Will I always walk alone? Will I always walk this Boulevard of Broken Dreams?

Compassion Song

Compassion

I sighed slightly, the wind gently ruffling my hair. I wondered why I always sat here alone, no one by my side to laugh and talk with. I wanted to share my calming place, my serenity place, I wanted someone else to enjoy the peacefulness that came from the small hill. It wasn't much but it was just simple enough to give it a peaceful feel. My hair was ruffled again by the breeze of spring, bringing with it the scent of earth, wildflowers,and rain. I looked to the sky, noticing that the moon was full and the sky clearly filled with bright stars, despite the bright moon.

Would I ever have anyone next to me to share this place with? Would anyone want to be kind enough to see if I were worth the words? I wondered these things always, never once finding an answer. All i ever found was myself alone, watching all the other people walk by never slowing to see what I could be, who I could be. Would I always be here alone? No one ever seemed to be interested in trying to learn who I am, who I was, or even what I want to become. Maybe I'm like a lonely caterpillar, waiting for someone to help me become a beautiful butterfly. Maybe all I'm waiting for, is compassion. Compassion from someone who will accept me as a friend and help end my lonely days. All I want is to be shown Compassion.